I just cant believe hes gone. He was my best friend as well as my Father. I feel disconnected most of the time but I am getting glimpses of myself outside of grief or with making friends with my grief and my life. And that you do, move on with your life. When we finished, I went to my studio to work for a couple hours. I can totally understand these feelings. I want everyone reading this post to pray to God to take me. Sounds like me. I take one day at a time. I know your pain I loss our Stepdaughter in January 1992 and My Mr. Lee in July 2016. I cant finish these details. I keep telling myself it is my fault that I have no after work friends and I need to make attempts at meeting people BUT feels like I cant move. I wanted so much to go back to that day and be with her the whole time. When you lose someone that close to you it is the one time when you can tell the whole world to go jump in a lake if it expects you to get on with things. But Istill had hope. Im tired of my sister telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get back to living. Also available in CD read by the author. I find it heartbreaking to see their grief and I feel embarrassed about having a boyfriend who has brought some sun into my life. I was always even keeled but now experience such unusual highs and lows. Grieving the loss of a parent is personal. Specially because many times he said to me if I didnt get back with him he didnt want to be here anymore. I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. I remarried in 2012 after dating for 5 years my second husband died 6 weeks later of heart attack on his way to work at the fire department. He was so above pettiness and saw things though a better side of life. He looked after me when I was young and we had such conflict too. Bless you, My daughter passed 1 year and a half ago and the pain is worse to me. I lost my husband and best friend Aug. 30th 2017. As for grief, youll find it comes in waves. It was almost like they are just now remembering or being affected again. But life sure is hard at times and not having my kids to support me and love me and just be there for me its hard but I am a survivor always have been and I always will be. I got a small wave around what would have been our wedding anniversary, but they keep coming as Thanksgiving gets nearer, and theyre a little more frequent, and severe. It will soon be my 2nd Christmas without him and IT HURTS!!! I miss him so much. Only once in a while I say anything about it anymore. Always butterflies. He didnt need to say a word his eyes and actions were everything. I dont want to go anywhere but have to. I lived with her the last 8 yrs of her life & cared for her for the last 3 yrs. weight I lost prior to his death. It NEVER stops hurting. Find a way to make the break to a little high ground here and there away from the depth of the loss and eventually, that ground will come to you a little more often. Made some new friends as well, attend a different church. It doesn't heal them, but it gives us the opportunity to learn from them. I left the hospital without my child and a shirt with all her blood on it. I was so blessed to have him. He lived with leukaemia for 7 years and it was being managed and seemed to be doing well. You lit up my life, my hopes, and my dreams. Early in 2011, I lost my little brother(31), and a beloved co-worker/friend, and my mother-in-law within 1 1/2 months. He was my closest friend and confidant. We had been married for 58 years. I had no idea how intense caregiving was until I went through it. He was 36yrs old. People always tell me to move on and Ive tried but it hasnt been the same. Even though they told me that he was going to die I didnt believe it for a minute. heart. He was doing well until a infection set in eventually going to his brain. But now 18 mths on its too much to bear, I wake up crying from such real dreams. I went online and read countless stories from others. They say time is a great healer but somehow it does not seem to be. Brain tumour April 2017 blood clots July 2017 diagnosed with moderate cold August 2017 op for brain tumour Nov 2017 death of mum Nov 2017 deep vein reflux June 2018 he was my rock my life my only ever love and he is gone. Not a future without him, because we never lose them, but a future with him in your heart and so much new exciting stuff and people, in your life. Its too hard to live without them. I keep his ashes in a necklace that I would hurt someone over if ever tried to remove it from neck. I have to accept this grief will never go, but I do wish it would lesson, maybe after the 2 years? I am so grateful for them. I am functioning okaytaking care of my responsibilities. She died of COPD. Biden's order included a 60-day review. I try to filter the thoughts in my mind so as not to feel the pain. Every part of me wanted to share that news with him. I made her . Dont listen to anyone who says you are depressed and need therapy! I just cant see me with anyone else. Good luck., I feel your pain. The pain of losing you is immeasurable. That was when I died- I ask of God the same- Why leave me? Dad has passed 18 mths now. But mostly not going to my mums everyday. Sometimes I think Im to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. If there is a God please let me die. We had so many dreams I wouldnt know where to start sharing them. The family member who thinks that 18 months after your husband died you should be dating again? I too lost my soul mate and love of my life 17 months ago after 24 wonderful years together. Though it's been years now since you were taken away, the memories are still strong, and I wish you were here today. Dating isnt an option because in my heart I am still married. Please do not do that. Worst thing Ive ever gone through. I moved home to St. Louis in September 2018. Even though some of our stories vary the seem to be the same. I feel like you, a lot of my fears are gone. I look up at the sky and think of my husband all the time. My heart is breaking. Why do people with live child get to talk about them so freely and Im supposed to not talk about my son. , I feel just as you do why leave me here my mother was my best friend my ladybug my diva I wake up everyday in so much pain it physically hurts Im scared of everything Im all alone it hurts like shit I cant even begin to explain. Your email address will not be published. I dont know at the moment what the day will provide. My Father refused to talk about my Mum, I got out at age 17 & came to live in the UK. It didnt end up good as i hadnt even started to grieve yet. I have me4 a man who I like and makes me laugh. Every moment where I was happy and excited was mixed with sadness and anger that my wife was not experiencing this. I cannot deal with that thought. They didnt die alone. I have been tearing up all day but not in a sad way. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. I pray that these feelings will pass soon as I am so fed up crying. I feel so selfish posting after reading these. Now this next bit my shock some of you but I felt relieved. I do not belong in this world anymore. The pain never goes away. very long visit duration . She was trying she (rehabs counseling etc.) My husband died 2 years ago (his anniversary, April 20, 2019). He died in my arms. Since you do have the original Will, you must submit . Each day.. Its easier but than again it isnt. I work, i come home and I go to bed and get up and do it all over. I am the same. with friends like that, who needs enemies. In February of last year, my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer. I do know that he is at peace and at rest. Im not as outgoing as I used to be but I find things that I enjoy and thats what I do. I found an app called headspace that has a grief course of 3 sections of 10 days each 30 days of mindfulness/ meditation sessions. But heres my two cents. Since the Love of my life of 41 years..went to Heaven. Desperately, that it sometimes hurt to breathe. We were living in St. Louis when he was diagnosed with GBM-Brain cancer on November 2015. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, youll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. Grief is Grief. I went to grief counseling along with my youngest Son who was 13 at the time and I find that if I force myself, my anxiety goes way up. Ive thrown myself into work & remodeling the house, just to try & function & portray that Im normal. As time moves further into the future, I find my grief is actually getting worse! Just coming up for the first anniversary in mid November, I am feeling wretched and exhausted. This year he would have retired. I miss him so much. Dont worry, I would not hurt my son or my kitties by hurting myself. He did have some medical issues but he pulled through all of them and then suddenly passed. Now, though, it is hitting me that he is never coming back. I cry everyday on and off. Both of my parents died on Valentines Day only difference is my Mother passed 28 years earlier this is tough for me, maybe divine intervention. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss. I have to keep tip toeing forward. I became numb, I spent the next 2 years struggling with the loss. I want him back but I cant have him so Im living in hope that we will be reunited one day. This family maximum is determined as part of every Social Security benefit computation. Regardless she of 37 years marriage and 6 years of love prior is gone and so was I actually the day of diagnosis in June. Its 2 years since I lost my husband n best friend. Since then two brothers mysteriously passed away and countless others have been attacked and rob or both. Its way too much of a hassle! I took a lot of pills with the intent to never wake up. Im so sorry J. I know that feeling of panic that you might forget something and lose it forever. Trust me it was subside eventually and youll talk about it less frequently until you almost stop. Hi- I just read your storyits almost been 2 years since my husband died. She would not let it beat her. And I think of him everyday . I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). I lost my Mum on the 2nd of February last year. Time helps but its not a healer it helps you learn how to deal with your loss and acceptance helps a lot. I am not the same person I was. Our 3 year old looks and acts EXACTLY like him. I returned to those dark days and the grief now is unbearable l need her to comfort me its l like l finally realised that she is gone. In fact, a week after diagnosis (and at that time we didnt know the prognosis) the tumour haemorrhaged and 2 weeks after diagnosis, he died. Its been 2years and 2 months and some days it feels like yesterday all over again. Once the anniversary of her death rolled around, I felt like the clouds lifted a little, and I wanted to be social, learn some new stuff, and even date. Calculate the difference between two dates. Life has lost its luster. If i was not worried about my cats i would prefer to be dead. My soul. tells you to contact the IRS ; Calling outside of these conditions isn't recommended because the IRS representatives won't be able to provide additional information on your tax return status. Looking forward to days with joy again. Your story is so touching. No bots, proxies, or datacenters They call that your new normal. People who have not been through the sudden death of a spouse have no idea. Im so angry about that now, I could have took better care of him here with us. You should realize no parent-child relationship is ever perfect. from everybody else. The month I found out he passed I almost lost it. For many, the real work of grief begins in the second or third year after a loss. Yes, the 2nd year seems much worse. I wish you better days and be glad you experienced a great love. Your skin loses its moisture and its elasticity, so it shrivels up a bit. It still hurts and i wish it didnt. But in between waves, there is life. And waiting for u. Youll be ok. Keep watching the clouds. I hate that people talk about it as a loss like divorce or getting laid off. Yes, my husband just dropped dead at the gym nearly one year ago to the day. Im only having the most difficult time at night once our boys go to bed. There seems no point although I try to pray. Those are two very different relationships but the loss is felt for both. But speaking for myself I had to change focus, take the focus off him and onto those left behind. I also wonder if the fact that I just turned 60 this summer, dont have much other close family, unable to work & my life restricted by disability, pain levels & not driving, are added in to the mix. Dont compare yourself with those whom you know have had a loss. Ive been struggling but its been manageable. I try to be strong for everyone but cry myself to sleep most nights not sure what Im supposed to do next. Don fought so hard with what strength that he had but cancer took him from me. Im truly sorry for every one of your losses. That is strangely comforting to remember that. I work , but hate my job.I try to find a sense of normality. Stay busy. On the anniversary of his funeral, I lost it. The first is a book by the author Megan Devine, Its OK That Youre Not OK. Allie: your situation is so like mine. I have my days where just like you, I think if he takes me home tomorrow, its ok. Then I look around and realize I do still have my son and daughter and my lovely cats. Im not that lucky have no living relatives .just my my cats..some months the other person i talk with is my doctors..and go weeks setting in the house watching tv or looking out the window. Im a forty six year old widow and had been with my husband eight years. Never had a negative Therapy has really helped integrate my anger. Ill never forget how were so proud of me being the first one in our family to graduate in a tough University as a Magna Cum Laude and as I made it thru my young years into adulthood it became apparent that sisters/siblings represent the past present and future. When I left there somethnig came over me and I knew what happened there was WAY bigger than anything I could have imagined. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1996, right before we got married. My crying break downs are now short and fewer, but any little memory can set me off. I pray daily that God would take me so that I could be with my wife. We have to keep going & move forward & grieve whenever we feel like it. How could you do this to me? The first year was being tired and on high alert I was now dad and mom and single. I am still suffering terribly, but I find moments, sometimes hours and days where I am at peace. I was married for 54 years and the care taker for my Mike. They tell me they are mourning too but are moving forward. Hello Diana, My husbands emotional return After all, without hope and faith, what do we have? My 20 year old son passed away unexpectedly 12 months ago while with his young pup and friends at a river. This can be especially true for a sudden loss, but can surprise people when they are in shock even after a loved one has died following a long and drawn out illness. There is no right or wrong, but while I have always been decisive, I now find myself unsure. I became a widow 25 months ago. I find its a song, film or similar that sets me off & the relentless Covid media stuff, & it all sets me off crying. l started walking with a group of people who have lost there partners over the last few years and its helped all of us to talk about our partners ,we go out to movies and shows as a group of 22 men and women in our 60 to 80s.All say the second year is the hardest,whats good about our a couple have hooked up and going strong by just being with someone . Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. I cook dinners, I help with homework, I give hugs. I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. Who knows, but you are on your schedule. The irony is he looked at me crying while I hold him and kiss his last breath. "A year without you has felt like an eternity. This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. Over 57 years, my Mom had been an officer, board member and choir member. Eric, This is my second year without my husband of 15 years. Well, he became my rock. The numbness is gone and reality is now setting in. I was about fifteen when he went into the service he was three years my elder. We never thought this type of loss could happen to us. I miss you so much babe. Any suggestions. Its definitely tough every year and Im on year 4. I believe this is what the Lord wants. I go out to the cemetery every day, sometimes for hours at a time. Why are you tormenting me like this?! It has been 18 years since I lost my husband, and I will tell you, it does get easier. I cant say I know how you feel for every bereavement is utterly personal, but when I mentioned to my brother that I was crying so much and surprised at myself (not being a great crier) he said Well you cant just shrug off 45 years of togetherness can you? - Unknown. I am very bitter Had a letter from Hospital admitting neglect but I havnt got my Husband the love of my life, I am struggling to get on with my life but its so hard as it is for everyone on this forum, We no longer live we exist, Pam xx. And tonight I'll fall asleep with you in my heart. I cant have gone completely cold though, as I cry reading all your letters, and am so grateful that we have each other xxx. We were lovers and partners for 32 years. We only had 11 years together but they where the best years Ive ever had. Many loves lost as I mature. ENSRD. document.getElementById( "ak_js" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); *DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK*. For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. This week I saw my daughter for the first time since he passed and now Im a wreck all over again. The death of your child and the pain that comes with it don't disappear after 10 years another reality I slowly crashed into. Its been a terrific read! We were together for 27yrs married 19 yrs. I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. Hi to all. Cry daily cannot stop crying. The what its are going to kill me. Doo sorry for your loss x I lost my husband of 47 years 6 months ago and Im.sooo lost ..I cry all the time I dont eat or sleep he was my soul mate how does life go on, I lost my husband of 44 years dec 29, 2020 I am at a loss for life, he was 76 and I am 65 ,,, I pretty much took care of him for the last few years poor guy so so sad he was hating his disabilities so much pain he didnt really want anyone around and when we were alone he would get in a stressed out mood and yell how he hated life and wanted god to take him then cry and do it all over again and again for a very long time, I loved him more than life itself,,,, I have losses in my life my sibling,mother and father,,, I am exhausted now my husband I am so lost with my life and so sad. I lost mom 14 months ago. I often wonder why this all happened and why so close together, I needed my husband Pat to help me grieve for Cody. But I think this is probably normal, and its certainly normal for me. "To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die" - Hazel Gaynor. why 5 months later, Im still stunned and grieving! I feel your pain .. The second year was different clearer, with more good days. then finally she got the all clear and told she was a survivor. I dont want medication. Thank you for your message. I am an unmarried single man of 46 years Mum lived with me. I have not traveled this road as long as you have but I can not imagine a time where I will not miss my love nor a time when tears and despair will not arise but I can see where I will be better though it may be a long time from now. My father had COPD/Hypertension/High Blood Pressure and went into cardiac arrest at the Orlando Airport in Florida while waiting outside to pick me up with my mother. Maybe. I just miss him so much. And I took him of life support. I pray I will soon be better. I cant turn back and I cant just drop the boulder. I lost my sister over 2 years ago and as you can see, Im up at 12 AM on a workday looking for some words of encouragement. It has given me some techniques to address when a wave hits to create some space to be able to take a breath. So I stay home crying and dont know where my life is going. Donna, Im same as you . Even now, I cant believe hes not here! I truly wasnt planning to fall in love like I did with Richard. I feel ache all over my body. So I know that feeling. Not everyone is like that just some of us. A battle every day to overcome his heart disease with swollen limbs from heart failure. I was no longer surviving it, I was Feeling it. If God gives us a window, I too am waiting. I understand what you are going through. Result: 660,116 days. Dear Dad, It's been one year and one month since you're gone. Heartache. Days and feel so alone at times afraid to speak of my grief people telling me I should be fine. Its the alone time that wrecks me. WE PROVIDE HIGH-QUALITY VISITORS WITH: Perhaps Im also very worn out as life has been tough & catching up with me. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. January 24, 2020, I came home from work and my husband (one of the best guys to ever walk the face of the earth) had passed away and we had been married for 47 years. I havent decided if thats true or not yet. Date Calculators. The shock and numbness in the first year was dreadful, but it did protect me from the sharpness of the pain I now feel. The sadness and loneliness gets better but I personally dont think I will ever get back to where I was before my sons death. Lend a supportive ear to others. Previously I had had several sessions with myofascial therapy and that REALLY helped me release the anger and sorrow. Dont understand it ? Working and struggling just to make the next meal. Her kindness, caring, compassion, patience and understanding are all qualities shared by my wife. I would have died for him. I kept going to work, serving at church, most of the things I had formerly done. Im so sorry for your losses. How much more do we enjoy the movie or party that we thought was going to be terrible? We were only married a year and a half. But his plans now don't appear as concrete. I try to stay busy but most of the time its just around our house. . God left me here for a reason, I just dont know what for. Stay strong during this difficult time, and know we are always here for you. My new challenge going forward. I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. At 71 I am sure it will be a hard until I leave this world. almost 3 years later and i am still wondering. They only know me and my daughter, so when we get together we dont seem like were missing someone. We were blessed with 4 children, who still desperately need me at ages 11, 9, 8, and 7. Ive always suffered from anxiety, though have been mentally strong & lived through bringing up a disabled child, without a lot of support. This is by far the worse loss i have experienced. As you say if God gives us a window, along with you- I am waiting. 2. When I see couples together, I miss him even more, but I talk to God to help me get through the mental sadness, Stay well- youre not alone. I can only say that with time, the pain and heartache will always be there, it just mellows with time. He was 66. Im sorry i dont have an answer for you but i want you too know that you and your feelings are not alone. I constantly think of him and cry because our 55 years together made us so close and we even got to think alike after all that time. Here are 100 things that happened after my mom died. Granted, it was the best way for him, but he was not sick, i had no warning. I am 76 and my husband of 54 years died unexpectedly 3 months before our 55th anniversary. God bless you all and I wish the very bestnformyou. All of these feelings are normal. Small cel lung cancer she had half lung one 3/4 lung left married 33 yrs happy married. Everyone seems to think that was long enough. When he died the entire family was crushed especially our Mama. ========================. Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions. I have been an extra-ordinary minister of the Eucharist for 30 years and now have signed on to be a sacristan, a greeter, and deliver communion to our parish shut-ins. Told me of the hallucinations and her mind was telling her I was cheating, so far from the truth. I too no longer have a purpose, no longer care about life or myself. Its been nine months and not getting easier, why I was trying to see whats coming, when this pain will stop, its so exhausting. Its so unnatural and wrong. I miss her so bad. I lost my soulmate 23 months ago and am surprised at the intensity of my sorrow. Sofocus on you, dont try to cling to himhe is still there and will rest easier seeing that youve got this. I hope you learn to cope with this terrible grief, I hope you have people who are kind and stay around you. Praying at night sends me off to sleep. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. The 2nd year was worse. Hope is in you its just buried somewhere but believe me Im only in the first month of my mom passing and boy let me tell you its a pain I never felt before and I just want to die I cry everyday all day there arent any words that can explain my pain. I have maintained same treatment for 1 year longer than we were together. Tried to find jobs, went on interviews but no call back. Love, Robin. Actually like a lot of other people here, I find the passage of time is making the loss worse! After I took him off life support. However, in my experience, I did not want to live after I lost my wife..for most of the year. Its as though this process is starting all over again after what I thought was some serious progress. I feel like I want to lay in bed all day and would be perfectly content doing just that. I am at the beginning of the second year since John passed. Im in my 16 month. The memories we've made will go on and on. and still he doesnt appear. If DATEDIF produces a result in an unexpected format, ensure that no pre-existing format has been applied to the cell. Husband and I were inseparable we did things together from doing laundry, taking walks etc. Everything seems pointless now after being married for 44 years and now sitting alone. Xmas . I felt silly doing it, but she probably had a point. He was the love of my life and like others above, no one could ever take his place. together. Im coming up on 2 years in April. Now we are in the holiday season. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. I know I will have to carry this pain around until I die too, because it will never ease. I dont feel like I will get better, I feel like I will get worse. I cry my eyes out almost everyday. For me going into this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the loss.
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