Prostate cancer or vaginal dryness does not preclude you from meeting the sexual needs of your partner out of laziness and a lack of giving a shit. Isnt going to happen. It sounds like there are many many committed marriages but seemingly to unwise and probably unloving spouses. There are many men, myself included, who desire far more than just a quick physical release, and who see their wife as a partner in a shared loving experience, not a living sex toy to use and the put away once satisfied. It is more like a revenge. Same exact situation here its a living hell! The best thing to do when y our partner doesn't want to be intimate is to ask them about it, point blank. It is sad and hurtful and I felt she only did me favor to have sex with me.. We have 3 young kids so divorce is not an option and I had been sleeping in guest room for almost 6 months now.. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. You cant really blame her, can you? Here are some reasons you can try if your wife doesnt initiate intimacy with you and you want her to be intimate. . This is probably not the case between a wife and husband who have lost a level of intimacy in their relationship. And ur right it is really screwed up knowing u might not get laid again or when that might be. She would never agree to an open relationship and I shouldnt be unhappy. I have noticed in the last two months that most forms of affection have dissapeared. Illness, marital issues, motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. When a woman looses her ovaries and/or had a hysterectomy the sex drive goes. As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. Quick and fast is also good. Then, let the pouting begin. She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. You begin to see the problem. Even with some ED we can still have a good orgasm..but she wont even touch me.. Im not a bad looking guy, and tend to her needs materially.. but sex is off the table. Your story is very very simular to mine. Take the good with the bad. Youre saying I love her, etc etc and she couldnt care less? Sometimes I wish he would go. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. However I worked as much at home since someone had to do it. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. Our world is obsessed with sex and without understanding the unity of compassion, respect, close bonds after many years of being together. I dont know why Im still here. Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. If I wish to continue my marriage , I guess I should just accept the situation and carry the cross of feeling unsatisfied. If done with the full knowledge of both partners, and always using safe sex, this would provide another solution to their dilemma. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. Wills comment is more true than not (and certainly not far from true). Besides intercourse itself, she turns me away when I attempt to initiate some sort of intimacy by kissing or stroking, things she used to love in the past. People get lazy and just expect sex to happen because theyre married. Thats a depressing thought too. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. That leads to no communication and uselessness. I dont have a problem with a sexless marriage, in fact I created it in our marriage. Just has zero desire. Sex was great and plentiful in beginning (weve been together 32yrs), but he has lost all interest and I havent had sex in years. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. To me, that is emotional abuse. This break down could be for a number of reasons: Some are directly related to her man. I am 62 years old and a healthy man with sexual needs. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and work through your issues together, as a team. See all of Joans advice in Sex@Our Age. From work deadlines to zoom meetings to bosses to deal with, teams to manage, kids to raise, meals to cook, chores to do, errands to run and the billion other things your wife has to handle, she may just be too exhausted to even think about sex. The wife does not want to start sex and me asking her OVER and OVER and OVER got to her and her rejections and excuses got to me felt like there is always some excuse. Try a new sexual position, make more of an effort to engage in foreplay, or introduce new outfits or props into your sex life. Due to bi-polar, I have had a strong sex drive since I can remember. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. Don't Touch MeI'm Your Wife! | Psychology Today I am starting to go to prostitutes is this wrong? 19. Im throwing my partner out the door due to his rants and anger over lack of sex. My 76 year old husband has not. I am 66 and my wife is 62. Learning how to communicate and experience life myself . I think it is up to me to possibly leave my marriage because my husband is not about to change, discuss any issues, or ultimately have sex. I see a divorce in the near future. 1. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. Thats why were looking at the most common reasons why your wife is never in the mood anymore and what you can do if your wife refuses to have sex. The lack of interested finally scuttled her interest to find help. Working with a therapist will help you learn to ask her how she prefers to be touched and help empower her to guide you. No, on a serious note, it wasnt something to have posted here. We are wired so differently. She believes relationships should be easyand that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. I understand the frustration, I have tried talking with my wife and have even said, if the problem was with me, I would be in a doctors office tomorrow! When we go out, all I see are happy couples who show affection and love. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. He is unhappy with the state of your relationship. Really? Welcome to, IMO, male divine right. While women understand that, men refuse to comprehend that arousal is complex for women. * https://disqus.com/admin/universalcode/#configuration-variables So not. Life is definitely funny. Let the in-laws or best friend care for your children for a day or two. He is overly stressed from work. and hugs when one of us leaves the house. I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. Career-wise, shes doing better than me, so hes likely out-of-my-league anyway. In some cases, this can escalate intopostpartum depression, which is a common reason why many women experience a lack of sexual desire after childbirth. Thats not going to make you happy in the long run!!! I need love that bad to hang on to a partner that never wants sex? As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. Woman think if they dont want a penis inside them that thats it, no sex. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. Only 50 at wits end, I dont want to start over, but I dont want to go another 10 years like this either, I cant talk to her about it be cause she has tried it didnt work, but no physical contact and her liking other guys attention just makes it unbearable, Between the undesirable side effects of the meds I take for depression and the unfortunate consequences of menopause, my sex drive is just dead, and I neither care nor have any desire whatsoever to revive it. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. If youre living with a gut feeling that your wife avoids intimacy on purpose, it may be time to take matters into your hand to rejuvenate your relationship. 5. I self reflected and starting cooking again, especially on her late nights. Im in the same boat. Joan Price is the authorof several books including The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 andthe award-winning self-help bookNaked at Our Age.Visit Joans blog, Naked at Our Age and herFacebook page. Once the women have these needs fulfilled the sexual desire for the man that gave them all the things they desired goes away. She started losing interest when our children were youngshed be OK with sex once or twice a month, and only when she was in the mood. Here is the rub though. Life is complicated at every age but I think as people age, hormone levels drop of course and the baggage of decades gone by begins to weigh heavy on both parties. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. I was her first love. I am a 52 year old woman who has had a hysterectomy and has gone through menopause and I have always had a high libido and still do. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. Were in a lifetime partnership. They complain that the wife was open to sex anytime anywhere when they were dating but it all changed after kids were born. But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. Emotional intimacy is a big factor in a happy marriage and a satisfying sex life. It is sad when u see other men drooling over me but the one I want. She told me a few years ago that she felt sorry for me because of her lack of sexual desire. Nobody tells you about this stuff in premarital counseling Ohh my! It makes me feel sick. Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. Amen. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. Good luck. I happen to like the situation I created and I will never change it. 20yrs old. Im gonna ask you a serious question please be honest. Some persons who are older like us end up this way. Join as many groups as you can, and leave him at home. You risk losing it all for the same quick minute that you already have with your wife. Nor, should they be. Perhaps your husband, as well as a few troglodytes posting here, are in need of some attitude adjustments, but you shouldnt paint all men with the same brush. My Wife Doesn't Want Me Sexually (My Wife Never Touches Me Anymore) My husband never had my love of sex. Cater to her needs, indulge in some foreplay, and stop being selfish! I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. And I still dont even know why! I would divorce him but whats the point. Reaching orgasm can become difficult or seem impossible.". But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. Asking yourself such questions can help you on your way to a more active and satisfying sex life with your wife. Thank you for sharing! I go through the details of your sexual life. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. Absolute rubbish! Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, Are you in a similar place in your relationship? When I wanted to leave, the only family I had told me theyd not support me whatsoever and just shut up grow up and deal with it and Id better do whatever it took to keep the husband. You bet. He retired a decade ago against my wishes. Zimmerman also recommends getting some time away from the kids regularly so that you can re-immerse yourselves in your identities as individuals and as a couple outside of your roles as parents. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. Sex is extremely painful, regardless of whatever I use to try and counteract the problem. Rich B, I am 64 and my wife has withheld sex with me for the the last 5 years. Bitter? Before I married my second wife, Vicky told me she made a terrible mistake, still loves me and wanted back. Her duty? Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. My father and grandfather were active sexually(we discussed) into their late 70s. I just want to rebuild my life again, move on, be kissed and touched! (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). Weve been married 27 years, sex She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. We had sex once last year and it had been a while prior to that, but she told me that due to the pain and all, she doesnt want to do it any more. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. Many men and most women are connected through sexual intimacy. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. This put stress on things as did a lack of acceptance from my mother, to my Wife, until she died at 97. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant Before the ink was dry on the marriage license, shed already decided she was done being nice. He is absolutely wonderful father and husband. My wife never trys to turn me on or initiate sex. please 13 Reasons Your Wife Isn't Interested In Sex & What To Do - mindbodygreen 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. They have cheated on us with themselves and their selfishness! Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. Have you considered opening your relationship or swinging together? My situation isnt as severe as many here. Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. Gopa explains how such mental health issues can affect your physical intimacy. I need to feel cherished, looked at and touched in a non-sexual way THEN when I feel loved and safe, I want to please my man. If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. 30 years in sexless marriage. But to then take into account the Catholic Churchs stance on that interjects another sticking point, if I may use that term. Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. oh Pamela, I hear you! Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. I respect your right to your opinion, but to say that an egalitarian relationship always ends in dysfunction & misery is unfounded and far from true. I would do just about anything to have a willing partner like you! Research, psychologists, and Google can offer ideas, but only your wife herself can tell you why she doesn't want to have sex with you: Working a full-time job in addition to running household errands and caring for kids can be exhausting and stressful, so some women may simply feel too busy and overworked to have any energy for sex. Ive tried vacations, dates, sex toys, lubricants, vitamins, blah blah blah..when a gal is not sexually attracted to you and is generally more than willing to never have sex again cuz (insert the reason I dont understand here) shes not going to change at 70. The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. accuse me of not loving her enough, if I had to cheat back. Except she doesnt like hugging or cuddling either. Count your blessings mate! For senior sex news, tips, event and webinar announcements, and special offers,join Joans mailing list. I am 64 and met a 75 widower for 13 years whom exercises, takes a natural supplement to help with blood flow, and takes occasional viagra. If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. I dont want and will not ever get a divorce. She told me that women need estrogen their whole lives, not just up to menopause. In case you have nothing to hide, work on communication exercises with your partner to be able to tell her that there is no need for trust issues. Indifferent withholders like my wife NEVER get better and their partners either leave or become bitter! We are happy for the days she has some energy and good enough oxygen levels. Needless to say, both of us are feeling a renewed awareness of who we were and now are. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. Yes Is so agree..No turning back!But Its now time replace her where she doesnt want to be part of.After 40 years 4kids 16 grands 5great Though I miss her warmth her ther body so much!Even after cancer twice majors surgerys reconstructions she still my one n only !N last one tooTime for me replace her affairs only way fishing..hunting ..camping ..some still with her!Rest myself alone ..others with son n grandsons while I still can getting around n driving! Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. Get our newsletters to make sure you never miss a thing! Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. . None the less partners have to also accept it is something you dont get used to or get over. He may still be impotent after surgery, no guarantees. Would you be willing to see a therapist with me to learn how to talk about this? As well as almost no feeling there as well. Are you a fit 55 year old woman with a high sex drive? I get tired of waking up because I realize Im having an erotic dream and humping the bed. That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. She knows this but never initiates. I cant imagine a marriage/partnership where that wasnt the case. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? It might be time for you to be more responsible and let your wife have some me-time. Pamper her with a spa day or take her out on a nice vacation for two, to break the monotony and give her the relaxation she truly needs and deserves. Want to continue the conversation? Another reason my wife never initiates physical contact may be due to hormonal changes. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. Instead of asking yourself something along the lines of, What to do when wife wont put out? ask your partner if theyd like to experience something different in bed. When People Still Want Sex, but Not with Their Partners Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day. My wife and I hadnt had sex for more than a year. Just had to compliment you on what you are doing for your husband, and I agree that sex makes you feel young again, and believe when you say that your whole body feels like youre in your 20s again. I know that it sounds crazy but I never thought about it but that part of our problem came to a head after our 35 year old son (our only child) was killed in an on the job accident. Anyway, I simply want you to know that as many women as men are trapped in this sadness. That being said, my wife and I married young.
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