Boo. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. 4. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. -Happy Gilmore. Oh my God, what have I just said?". A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing 3. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Tahiti who? Tiagra. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. I give him the driver. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Dirty Golf Sayings. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. It bends a little to the left. Golf is a lot like life. I chipped in from the rough! Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Another Ball in the Trees. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. 4. And it matters how we go about attaining them. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. course sometime. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. The battle that raged inside each players head. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. 7. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! ~ Victor Hugo. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Because her coach was a pumpkin. Lee Trevino. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. I . Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Dirty Golf - pinterest.com Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Dirt your body. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 4. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Watch their eyes. It can be rewarding. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. On the Green In Two. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. 21. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". First and foremost, you must have confidence. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Intercourse! 3. You okay with that? "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. "Golf is my profession. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Boo who? What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Tahiti. All the fans are gone! "I'm the best. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! Man: Please dont go. Hit the ball. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Knock, knock "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. The threesome were curious what was going on. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. It was glorious when you did! I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. I give the ball some sweet talk. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Because you got me soaking wet. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Roarin' Mcllroy If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. And it's damn funny. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? 5. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. And there are windmills. Do you know what the Lama says? clubs. Your email address will not be published. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. A dinner without wine. My shaft is bent. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Try choking donw on the shaft. had to choose, right ? The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Wodehouse "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Or under. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Find the ball. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. I like to go low. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Your email address will not be published. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. I like big putts and I cannot lie. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. It will test your patience. 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Ben Hogan. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. We have a threesome, care to join us? Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Lift your head and spread your legs. but I can show you what is! Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! 3. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Golfing? If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. P.G. Why are golf and sex so similar? "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. What do you call a lion playing golf? Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Your email address will not be published. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. Fore-get Me Nots. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? All through the night they made wild love together. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Go to the golf course. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away "Hockey is a sport for white men. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. 2. I`m really worried about myself. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Basketball is a sport for black men. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Have fun. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" 4. It can be difficult. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? This post may contain affiliate links. 6. Please add a link to this site. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. If you break 80, watch your business.". Damn, girl. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. 18 Funny Golf Quotes to Keep You Laughing on - 18Birdies Bruce Lansky. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. 100 Great Golf Quotes All Keen Golfers Need To Read | Kidadl How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? Whos there? Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. How do you know you should be a golfer? Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Twelfth son of the Lama. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. 86+ Funny Golf Quotes | Free HD Images & Pictures Download With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Any birdie will do. I'll let you beat me. ", How far do you hit it? said Palmer. 3. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? "Damn, my shaft is all bent." What did the golfer say after performing yoga? When your golf cart capsizes. Golf is very much like a love affair. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Whos there? With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Enjoy! A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. I play Bass. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. He attacks it. I was actually enjoying it. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines [Funny, Dirty, Cheesy] So I thought I should start a website about jokes. "Golf is like a love affair. Thats incredible. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. You need to adjust your grip. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating.
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